Church of the Militant Elvis Manifesto

Homepage | Political CV | Manifesto | Church Statement | Poems | EMAIL
Current Campaign Posters | Old Campaign Posters | Art Gallery | Latest Artwork
Broxtowe Manifesto
"Support the Militant Elvis Anti- Tesco Popular Front"

Our candidate is fed up with Tesco wrecking Beeston town centre and putting small shopkeepers out of business. If elected he will do all he can to stop the relentless expansion of this corporate monster because at this rate by 2010 there will more Tesco's in Britain than Elvis impersonators.
Tesco is always bragging about being "Green" but allegations leaked to our Party by a reliable source state that Tesco Baked Beans cause lots more wind than other brands thus increasing global warming and melting the ice caps. Our candidate calls on the people of Broxtowe constituency to boycott Tesco and save the Polar Bear, Musk ox etc.
According to a report in the Guardian, future retail developments being considered include "Tesco Villages". Any attempt by Sir Terence Leahy, boss of Tesco to build a "Tesco-on-the-Wolds" in the Nottinghamshire green belt will be resolutely opposed by our candidate.

According to the Sunday Sport there has been a recent Elvis sighting in Iran. In the event of war, our candidate calls on Gordon Brown to refrain from Nuking the King and deploying our gallant servicemen's destructive talents elsewhere eg. flattening Tesco opposite Chetwynd Barracks, Chilwell
In order to increase his credibility with green voters our candidate would like to see chief planet - wrecker George Bush put in the Militant Elvis Solar Powered Electric Chair and

given a jolly good "frying" (see website www.theplace4.co.uk/elvisseeninbaghdad ). Others candidates nominated for the chair include Michael O'Leary, boss of Ryanair and Roger Helmer, Tory MEP for the East Midlands, who won't be satisfied till every piece of England's green and pleasant land is covered by GM crops, golf courses, mobile phone masts, nuclear power stations and Tesco fxxxxxxx Superstores.

Our candidate is sick of Gordon Brown cosying up to rich tycoons like Sir Terence Leahy, Rupert Murdoch and the Icon of Free Enterprise, Margaret Thatcher. If elected he will table a motion in the House of Commons stating that when Mrs Thatcher dies, she should be pickled and entered for the Turner Prize (see Armageddon Art Show, www.impeachteddyblair.org.uk). The prize money £20,000 will be donated to Greasley Miners Welfare in the constituency.

Our Energy Policy is quite simple "Save Oil, Bonk Locally". Boris Johnson didn't, our candidate does! Up the entry next to "The Cow" pub, Beeston 1973 (demolished by Tesco 2007)