Royal Record Breaker
So farewell
Princess Alice
Aged 102
We pray
Emperor Blair
Doesn't beat you.
Charlie's Nightmare
I woke up from this dreadful dream
And clutched my sweat soaked pillow
'Cause I'd just seen bloody Basil Brush
Stuck up my sweet Camillo
And as I tore the blighter off
He shouted out, in spite,
"She's a better screw than bloody you
Your bum's too ruddy tight."
The Thoughts of
Hunter C. Windsor
I hate to advocate
Adultery
Having breakfast in bed
With your manservant
Or trying to bump
Off your ex-wife
But they've always
Worked for me.
Belated Obituary
Farewell then
Charles 1 st
You lost
your Head
to a Battleaxe
just like your
Contempory
A chip off
the old block
What!
Crowning Theory
Why is the
House of Windsor
falling apart
Bluebottle ?
because it's
Jerry built
mein Kapitain
|Hong Kong
The Last Toast
On yer yacht
Big Ears
( published by Young Socialist 1997)
Defender of the Unfaithful
"They've changed its name to Suckingham Phallus.
His Highness, the Prince looks rather embarrassed.
We looked for poor Squidgy but she's off the scene
Laying in Wales by a babbling Coldstream."
says Malice.
( first two lines published by Independent 1996)
Corgi Girl
"Married beneath herself"
sniffed a Sandringham cat
"and you can't get much
bloody lower than that."
Edward
Part
of the
Scenery.
HMS Andrew
Clapped-out old cruiser
Silhouette pudgy
Chopper was grounded
Wife prefered Budgie.
Royal Glue
Stuck-up people
stuck up other
Stuck-up people.
(published by the Independent 1996)
A Warning to Wills
Happy Birthday Prince William
Diana look-a-like.
If you get a Merc
from the Media
Swap it for a bike.
Tradesperson’s Entrance
For cracks
in the
Royal Household
buy Camilla
interior
Squidgyfiller.
(To be published in 'Aural Images' Poetry magazine 1998)
ACORNY ODE
to the Queen Mother
You're obviously
right poplar mam
amongst
the crawling roots
but can yew tell your
wooden clan
we're sycamore
their shoots.
(This poem was written in response
to Ted Hughes Poet Laureate's
sycophantic poem to the Queen mother
titled "The Oak Tree")
Philip
Rather a danger
the Royal Bedstranger
especially when he opens
his Gob.
Saint Anne
Extra-marital shagging shunned
Sun stunned, Mirror out-gunned,
Express blames "Save the Image Fund".
Air of Mustique
Likes a fag
but bit of a drag
our Margaret.
Duchess of Kloster
From the Financial peaks
through the blizzards of cash
poor Fergie descends
and slips on her ass.
"She looks old enough
to be his fucking Mother"
Bowls over Green
Peasants not keen
Nor is the Queen
And the fax
From Prince Philip
Is frankly obscene.
Birthday Poem
Happy Birthday Prince Charles
Fed up at Fifty
if your Mother pops off
you'll cheer up quite swiftly.